Sunday, November 02, 2014

Ranking the 5 best 'College GameDay' signs from WVU

5. These rednecks really need the web...

4. We need to discuss WVU dental care...

3. The first step is recognizing the problem.

2. Awww… They really love Clint Trickett down there.

1. There's way too much going on in here. But we agree that the wasteland of Morgantown could use some federal aid.

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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Seven Alternatives to Burning Couches at WVU

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West Virginia University. What a God-forsaken dump. And what's with all the couch-burning that goes on there? But let's face it, if any of us went there, we'd be looking for anything to burn as a metaphor for how our lives had turned out. But come on, Mountaineers, there are some better alternatives than a functional couch... 

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Six Reasons to Stay for the Fourth Quarter at Pitt Games

You just sung along to "Sweet Caroline." Pitt's losing, or maybe even winning... but everyone is getting up to leave. Gotta get a good spot on the shuttles, go home, take a nap and get ready to go out later. You've H'd-2-P all you possibly can, right? But wait!  Here are six reasons you should sit back down and enjoy the rest of the game... 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

10 People We Hope are Excluded from Pitt Football's "Plan for Every Fan"

Pitt football’s marketing department boldly declared they have “a plan for every fan.” While we encourage their welcoming overture, we caution them to reconsider their amicable ticket policy. As season ticket holders, we’re worried such an inclusive proposition might invite some of Oakland’s seedier characters into Heinz Field this fall. So, Steve Pederson, take note, here are ten fans we don’t want to see at Pitt games this year:

Monday, August 25, 2014

"Joe-Bots Versus the Volcano."

A volcano threatening to erupt in Iceland may prevent PSU from playing in Ireland this weekend. Opening this weekend: A cardboard Joe. A delusional fan base. "Joe-Bots Versus the Volcano."

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Six Tips to Help Freshmen Adjust to College Life at Pitt

Welcome Freshman! And congratulations... you’re about to begin your “adult” life where your biggest hurdle will be ungluing yourself from Snapchat for more than 35 seconds to challenge yourself to develop an attention span of a full minute. Wait, did your phone just ding? Ahhh, who gives a fuck, you’ve probably already stopped reading by now. But just in case you’re in the 1% category of incoming freshman who can actually read a full paragraph, pat yourself on the back, and dig in for these six tips to help you adjust to college life at Pitt:

Friday, August 01, 2014

In the likely event of a South Oakland Sharknado, where is the safest place to hide?

Let's face it. A Sharknado could happen at any moment. When the big one hits South Oakland, we all better be prepared. So we asked some of Twitter's foremost Sharknado experts to weigh in on what location would provide the best place to hide... And hopefully survive. Here is that potentially life-saving information.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Seven Things Pitt could do with 3.9% Tuition Hike

Pitt is raising tuition 3.9%.  That’s 3.9% less money you’ll be able to spend on beer, designer headphones, top of the line smart phones, and narcotics. You’re angry, your parents are angry, multinational corporations that want you to spend money on trivial shit you don’t need are angry. But most concerning, your drug dealers are angry. And when your drug dealers get angry, bad things start to happen to people’s limbs.  And when limbs start cracking, our undercover investigators start asking questions. And we get answers…FOR YOU! Why does Pitt need 3.9% more this year? Here are a few ways Pitt could use that increased revenue...

Friday, July 11, 2014

15 Ways to Beat the Heat this Summer in South O

It's officially summer. And damn, it's getting hot in South Oakland. Live in an apartment without A/C? Parents too cheap to buy you one? Have no fear. There are plenty of ways to stay cool in the face of oppressive heat in a neighborhood that has what, like six decent trees...