Desperate Pittsburgh football fans plead, "Help us, Pat Narduzzi. You're our only hope."

Breaking: UPMC captures first footage of human digestive system the morning after a drunken O Fries binge.

For the 24th-straight year, no South O landlords make Santa's "nice" list.

President Obama approves Keystone Light XL Pipeline from Mellinger's to419 Atwood.

We never go out of style.

Six Reasons to Stay for All Four Quarters at the Pitt Game

You just sung along to "Sweet Caroline." Pitt's losing, or maybe even winning... but everyone is getting up to leave. Gotta get a good spot on the shuttles, go home, take a nap and get ready to go out later. You've H'd-2-P all you possibly can, right? But wait!  Here are six reasons you should sit back down and enjoy the rest of the game... 


1. It's safer to blackout in a public setting.


Make it the Rooneys' problem. (Why should your roommate have to deal with your drunk, dead-weight ass?)

2. Roc gets surly drunk and rocs out with his coc out.


Roc. Hard.


3. Pat Narduzzi is winning in the fourth.

No Graham, no Chryst and no fourth quarter melt downs. Stay for the fourth, as the Panthers are seemingly able to hold a lead though the final quarter. And really, what more can you ask for?


4. Panthers "Dealer of the Game" starts passing out free weed. 


I wanna talk to Samson! Fly me to the moon like that bitch, Alice Kramden. 


5. Chancellor Gallagher's new tradition: the post-game Alma Mater sing-along / watermelon smash.


Over fate and foe victorious! 


6. If there's something better than Tyler Boyd at your apartment, you're a fucking liar.


Bout dat! 



Thanks for reading! Click here to follow us on Twitter @souf_oaklin. 

Six Tips to Help Freshmen Adjust to College Life at Pitt (#Pitt2019 Edition)

Welcome Freshman! And congratulations... you’re about to begin your “adult” life where your biggest hurdle will be ungluing yourself from Snapchat for more than 35 seconds to challenge yourself to develop an attention span of a full minute. Wait, did your phone just ding? Ahhh, who gives a fuck, you’ve probably already stopped reading by now. But just in case you’re in the 1% category of incoming freshman who can actually read a full paragraph, pat yourself on the back… as you're about to experience some very important years in Pitt's history… In order to best make 'em count, we offer these six tips to help you adjust to life at Pitt:

Oakland dental student wanted after Nittany Lion lured from protected Happy Valley, poached.

President Obama surprises with impromptu speech at Petersen Events Center to address ACC media guide controversy.

Warren Buffet siezes control of "PicklesBurgh" festival. Vendor layoffs expected.

NYTimes releases "36 Hours In South O" short film

Mellinger’s, tattered sofa, Jimmy’s, Bootleggers, Gene’s, Antoon’s, crash on tattered sofa.

Pat Narduzzi hosts successful "On the Prowl" event at Anthrocon 2015.

Amazing to see the transformation from just a few years of living in South Oakland:

Hope the South Oakland Easter Bunny brought you everything you needed.

"Pat Signal" Activated

Given massive snowfall, University of Pittsburgh announces alternative campus shuttle transportation.

Chancellor Gallagher returns for second semester at Pitt having already gained his "Freshman 15."