Saturday, October 27, 2018

Results are in for the first SOFL "Pitt Index of Sports Satisfaction"

Dr. Herman Z. German,
SOFL Lead Researcher
The Souf Oaklin fo' Life!!! Pitt Index of Sports Satisfaction (or, "PISS") is an index measuring Pitt fan's feelings on the current state of Pitt athletics, as well as their expectations for the program going forward.

The index is measured on a scale of 0 (because let's face it, sometimes being a Pitt fan feels like a zero) to 100 (akin to the feeling of winning back-to-back national football or basketball titles... we can dream).

Using a survey of five questions, conducted in the weeks following Pitt football's narrow loss to Notre Dame, the first ever index has come in at a respectable 73.16That's roughly 3 times the blood/alcohol percentage that was required to forget the Pitt v North Carolina game in the hours immediately following the game.

What drove the index to this seemingly high number? Feelings about the present state of Pitt athletics is circling around the midpoint of 50. Despite so-so feelings about the state of the program today, fans living close by are more than likely to buy tickets for an event this year.

However, it is he never-ending optimism that is the hallmark of a Pitt fan that brings the score higher with big expectations for the next five years. They may break our hearts, but we come back for more every time. Pitt fans are even comfortable subjecting their own children to life as a Pitt fan. This may seem like some form of punishment, but kids gotta learn some tough lessons in life!

What do you think about these numbers? Feel free to comment below.

Or, take the survey right now.

Monday, September 10, 2018

Brilliant move as Pitt hires Sarah Huckabee Sanders to conduct Monday press conference.

Today's highlights include:

  • Pitt lost on popular points to Penn State, but won on electoral college scoring by the biggest margin in history.
  • Heinz Field attendance was 100% Pitt fans.
  • Pitt would have also beaten Penn State on popular points if not for the lying Big Ten officials
  • Ted Cruz's father killed Pitt Stadium. 
  • Finally, Pitt scored a lot more popular points than the failing Pitt News is reporting.