Hey kids, when that unmistakable South Oakland summer stench paralyzes your instinct to breathe oxygen, this can be a tough neighborhood to call home. Most of us remained trapped here by limited incomes, lack of marketable skills, and few prospects of ever achieving anything even remotely redeeming for society. For those truly despondent with their lot in life, we offer this trivial nugget of hope.That's right kids, it's the quazi-annual "Best of South Oakland!
Special thanks to our friends on Twitter who submitted their own #BestOfSouthOakland. Their nominations are below.
Best Brunch Spot: Mellinger's
Best Unrelated Relative: Jimmy
Best Stench: Atwood/Louisa
Best Street to Pass Out in the Middle Of: Melba Place
Worst Free Wallpaper: The reams of old, unused "Todd Graham" murals/billboards hastily torn down from athletics offices.
Best Unrecognizable Celebrity: New Pitt football coach Paul Chryst. (If only he had his own billboards.)
Best Craft Brew: No idea... never had one.
Best Home Brew: Discarded Natty Lights in 291 Meyran Basement
Favorite Local Athlete for the Next Five Days: Whomever the next big Pitt recruit ends up being.
Worst Unsanctioned Use of Adderall: Chronologically charting Dana Holgorsen's hair recession via Google Images.
Most Understanding Pitt Fan by Marriage: EJ Borghetti's wife
Best Place to Learn About the Birds and the Bees: Phipps Conservatory
Best Place to Learn About Fucking: South Oakland
Best Half-Priced Early Morning Drug Dealer: Wild-Eyed Mikey
Best Meteorologist: The one dude on McKee who says he knows when it will rain when his "bigger nut" starts acting up.
Best Place to be Served Underage: Pittsburgh Café (Submitted by Numerous Readers)
Best Place to Get Stabbed: Pittsburgh Café (Submitted by @jubanator)
Best Burger-Flipping Utensil: A strip of cardboard from a case of Keystone Light (Submitted by @PittDLHall)
Best Car to Puke On Outside of Peter's Pub: Any of them. (Submitted by @Deveffect)
Best Place to Eat Pizza: The Front Stoop of 245 Atwood (Submitted by @bjgarber)