Sunday, December 02, 2001

Pitt Student Still Hasn't Mastered Local 412 Dialing

James Filate, 24, has reportedly not been able to master local calling since Verizon made it necessary to dial the 412 area code before all local calls. Reports coming out of his 319 South Bouquet Street home cite frustration, foul language, and physical apartmental abuse since Verizon made the necessary change last July.

“It's been hard to watch,” roommate Michael Levers reported. “You want to dial for him, but that’s just not an option. Every man has to learn to dial for himself. Unfortunately for Jim, it's just taken a little bit longer than your average man.”

Filate explains his difficulty stems from his restricted use of the phone.

“Dude, who do I ever call?” Filate questioned his roommate. “You're on with your god-damn girlfriend all the time and I'm always studying. I don't even have time to use the phone. So it's not like I get the practice everyone else does. Leave me alone.”

Verizon customer service operators report Filate's case to be “an extreme rarity,” especially three months after the change was made.

“I haven't heard any complaints about the new area code since July,” Verizon customer service operator Anita Barkowitz reported. “And everyone I've talked to about [the new area code] change has gotten it down. This is the first documented case of frustration our office has seen since I took this job in September. I guess we could send a service technician to Filate's house if he requested one. Also, in addition to my answer to your query, my job today has been to give you outstanding customer service. Have I done that for you today, sir?”

Conservative roommate estimates place Filate's mastery of the 412 area code dialing to occur somewhere in April or May. However, skeptics argue Filate will "never f#cking get a clue."

We are pleased to report that Verizon did meet S.O.F.L. customer service expectations.

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