PiKA to Offer EZ-Passed Out Service

University of Pittsburgh fraternity Pi Kappa Alpha (PiKA) is attempting to follow national trends by instituting a new way to handle its passed-out party guests. The fraternity is currently in the midst of negotiations to install EZ-Passed-Out service, which would allow heavily intoxicated party goers to bypass the traditional long lines for available bed space in fraternity housing.


“This is great,” said Pitt freshman and PiKA pledge Joey Cruckle. “I get so bombed up at the house and my only option is to pass out on the floor. Besides being uncomfortable, I get fucked with all the time. The brothers take it upon themselves to put shaving cream all over my body and write things like ‘cock snorter’ on my face. EZ-Passed-Out will allow me the option to get around that hassle. I can't wait.”

The EZ-Passed-Out service is the brainchild of the National Inter-Fraternity Council (IFC), which is always looking for ways to strengthen fraternities' public image. It was developed in response to several hazing incidents in the Northeast which put several pledges in the hospital. The EZ-Passed-out option has been effective in reducing harmful incidents by 38%. Universities across the country have adopted the program to combat the darkened image of fraternal organizations.

“We here [at the University of Pittsburgh] applaud the efforts of the IFC to ensure the safety of fraternity members,” Pitt spokesman Robert Hill reported. “Traditionally, fraternities have had a less than positive image. With this service, [fraternities] are moving towards a more responsible and workable course of action, one which will be better tolerated here at the University of Pittsburgh.”

The EZ-Passed-Out program calls for the university fraternities to designate ten beds in the house as "safe zones," which will be inaccessible to the other party goers. EZ-Passed-Out participants must purchase an ID card from the IFC for a nominal lifetime fee of $20. Once activated, the card will allow the EZ-Passed-Out participants to swipe their IDs to enter the safe zone if they are in danger of passing out. Safe zones will then be staffed by two work-study nursing students and will be equipped with vomit buckets, loaves of bread, and showers that only dispense cold water. They will also contain an emergency call button which will alert the work-study nurses of any problems. EZ-Passed-Out will be installed in the PiKA house at the end of January and will be in use by March 1, 2002. The University of Pittsburgh is hoping other fraternities will follow suit.