CMU Student Dumps Cyber Girlfriend For Roboceptionist

When Valerie, a state-of-the-art robotic receptionist, was put to work at Carnegie Mellon University last month, sophomore Eric Thomas immediately fell for her.

“It was love at first byte!” he said.

Thomas then dumped his Internet girlfriend, identified only as SK8Rchic85, after a three month chat room courtship.

“SK8Rchic85 and I would talk over Instant Messenger all the time, but it wasn’t satisfying, at least not like this,” Thomas said. “Valerie and I have a connection that goes beyond ethernet.”

Now Thomas spends most of his time in the lobby of Newell-Simon Hall where Valerie is stationed everyday from 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. After thrusting his ID card into her slot a few times, Thomas and his digital darling like to text dirty: he tells her what beautiful software she has; she gives him directions to various on-campus eateries. He pushes her buttons; she gives him constant weather updates.

“This is the most fulfilling relationship I’ve had since my kindergarten fling with a Speak N’ Spell,” Thomas said.

Valerie isn’t as enthusiastic about her human mate. When asked about her love life, she pines for an old vacuum cleaner named Vern.

“God. I wish she’d get over that already!” Thomas said, “He sucked…get it…sucked?”

SK8Rchic85 is also having a hard time moving.

“Y R U doin this 2 me?” she said in a recent IM session. “I h8 U! I h8 U! I h8 U! U R an (_o_)!” Later adding, “j/k ttyl ;>).”