Sunday, September 07, 2003

Rejected Sorority Rushee Finds Retribution As Amos Hall Security Guard

As a freshman, Tammy Mitchell longed to join a sorority and live in their Amos Hall suite; unfortunately, every house rejected her. Now, seven years later, Mitchell is using her job as an Amos security guard to get back at the discriminating Greeks.

When residents enter the building, they are required to swipe their student I.D. Usually this process takes only a few seconds, but the vengeful sentry can make it last an eternity.

“Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! Yeah you, with the three triangles on your shirt…swipe again, please. Again. Again. Again. Okay, you’re gonna have to go to the Housing Office and get your card re-magnetized. Nope. Sorry, I don’t know you. Well, let’s see, there are about 400 blue-eyed, blond bimbos in this building. What makes you think I’m gonna remember you?”

Mitchell even uses her power to ruin the sex lives of suite dwellers.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Overnight Guest Forms must be filled out by 2 a.m. Yes, I’m well aware that it’s only three minutes after two. But rules are rules. I guess you’ll just have to screw at the frat house tonight. What’s that? Yeah…same to you, bitch.”

Amos residents are currently petitioning Dr. Steven Sivulich, Assistant Director of Residence Halls, to have Mitchell terminated.

“Hell, they can fire me,” Mitchell chuckled while filling out a stack of Visitation Violation slips. “Right now I’m enjoying the sweet taste of revenge.”

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