Friday, April 25, 2003

Greek Affiliation Questioned In Fellatio Incident

This past Friday night was like any other for senior Lisa Conrad: wine coolers while getting ready, shots and mixed drinks at Peter’s Pub by 10, near-blacked out by 11, and finally, taking some random guy home to perform sloppy oral sex, before waking up to find he’s already gone. Usually, no problem. Saturday morning after breakfast, however, her roommates found out just the predicament she was in.

“Do you guys remember what fraternity that guy I brought home last night was in?” asked a groggy Conrad.

“Was it the guy you were making out with by the door?” asked roommate Sarah Nash, “because I think I heard he was a Sig Chi.”

“No, I didn’t bring that one home,” admitted Conrad. “I brought home the guy who I was sitting next to at the bar. I think he was either a Delta Tau Delta or a Delta Sigma Delta. God, I feel like such a whore.”

“Well, Delta Sigma Delta is the dental fraternity,” added Hall. “Did he say anything about going to be a dentist?”

“No, not that I can remember,” pondered Conrad. “I can’t remember what his teeth looked like. I never kissed him, so I don’t know what his breath smelled like either.”

The mystery did seem to get clearer when Conrad remembered some other details of the tryst.

“You know, at one point, I caught one of his pubes in my mouth, and he made some joke about me flossing with it. Maybe he was in the dental frat? Would a dental guy have minty cum? Does that happen? Well, I’m not sure if his was minty or not, but he did make me gargle it!”

By noon, Conrad was “kinda sure” he was a member of the dental fraternity. “Well, my plaque feels a lot looser this morning!”

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