Saturday, November 16, 2002

Pittsburgh School Board to Work Out Differences on Springer

Providing an outside the box conflict resolution strategy for coming to terms with a splintered school board, Superintendent John Thompson brought the nine member school board on the Jerry Springer show to resolve the conflict and finally put divisive issues to rest.

"Traditional meetings at the Board of Education office were obviously not working,” Thompson explained. “I really wanted a change of scenery to iron out our differences and get to the root of the problem.”

The November 18 episode which was taped last Thursday proved to be a heated event, insiders reported. “Things got especially impassioned when majority board member Theresa Colaizzi admitted the reason she didn’t vote for the hiring of additional math tutors was because minority member Bill Isler had an affair with her cousin’s lesbian lover.” Conflicts remained primarily verbal throughout most of the show with intense shouting and the occasional profanity. However, one outburst of physical abuse occurred when Board President Jean Fink threw her cup of water on School President John Thompson and exclaimed, “fix that you f----- as-----.” Thompson responded by picking up a chair and reportedly shouting, “Why don’t you f----- throw something else, b----.” Briefly afterwards he gathered his composure and expounded on the necessity of hiring more minority teachers.

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