Saturday, November 16, 2002

TA Only Good for T&A

When sophomore Matt Gartland registered for Russian Fairy Tales, he was sure it would garner him an easy-A. Every week, he diligently attends lectures, recitations and review sessions. Now, mid-way through the semester, Gartland is perilously close to failing. The reason: Claudia Vladislav, his teaching assistant.

“Claudia is so hot! I can’t think of anything else when I’m around her!” Gartland exclaimed. “And with that thick Commie-accent I can’t understand a word she says anyway!”

Vladislav, a Russian-born grad student working on her Master’s degree in Sociology, is seemingly unaware of her sexual stranglehold on male students.

“From early in morning to late in the nighttime, boys come to office eager to learn of Russian Fairy Tale,” Vladislav said. “They bring flowers, chocolate candies, and pretty underwears to express love for material.”

Vladislav says American girls don’t seem as enthusiastic about the course.

Gartland hopes that by the end of the semester he can muster enough courage to ask Vladislav out on a date.

“I’ve got it all planned out,” he said. “During the final exam I’m gonna fill in those little circles in the shape of a heart, write her name in it, hand it to her and say, ‘Are those cosmonaut pants you’re wearing? Cause your ass is outta this world!’”

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