Abandoning its traditional news-only format, Pittsburgh Cable News Channel, PCNC, released its new spring lineup today. PCNC Spokesman William Nagle explained the unprecedented move to the six astonished reporters in attendance. “While keeping Pittsburghers informed of local news and current events is still our number one goal, now we'll be able to reach a demographic we never dreamed possible.”
The headliner of the lineup is Frat Brother, a spin on CBS's Big Brother and Big Brother 2, which features several strangers locked in a house together and being “real.” Said Nagle, “We've taken reality-based television up a notch,” while pointing to the “beer pong” table and empty beer can used to symbolize the new show. “We’re placing ten random non-fraternity-affiliated South Oakland residents into one of Pitt's fraternity houses for six weeks. They’ll have nothing but Rice-a-Roni, canned corn, old porn mags, shitty beer, and assorted ‘sorostitutes’ to keep them entertained. We're letting them have a beer pong table, but two of the six balls we've given them have already been crushed at a local party.” Frat Brother is slated for Wednesday nights at 8pm.
While the ten Oaklanders chosen are being kept under tight wraps, sources close to PCNC say that this show could easily topple Survivor's ratings, that is, if all of the estimated 2,581 non-fraternity-affiliated residents of South Oakland watch each episode.
Other “big ratings” shows in the new line-up include: PCNC/WQED produced Rick Sebak's Gone Already, with the local documentarian Sebak taking the viewer to different places around Pittsburgh that aren't really there anymore; Recipes from tha Hill, an afrocentric look at cooking in Pittsburgh; and South Oakland Bar Tour, which is aimed at the 17-20 year old demographic. “South Oakland Bar Tour is our way of preparing the under-twenty-one crowd for Oakland's chic bar scene. Now younger roommates can’t complain that they've missed anything,” says Nagle. The show is slated to air from 9 pm to 2 am Monday through Saturday, and will feature a different South Oakland bar each week.
South Oakland resident and University of Pittsburgh Junior Jessica Brennan says of South Oakland Bar Tour, “now I can see if my boyfriend really was with [Oakland resident Terri] Foote at the Second Floor last Thursday!” Other residents have hailed the new PCNC line-up as well. One girl, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “Oh my God, this is the best line-up ever!”
When asked about Frat Brother, local micro-beer retailer Pasquale Bellasario, owner of Mellinger Beer Distributor Inc, said that, thanks to the show, his business should triple. “[PCNC] buys the Jacobs Ice from me, not up'ere at UBC. Plus, I gave 'em kids T-shirts and posters, plus some old Mellinger's soft-ball T's.”