Stevie Leiter's Head's Up!

Hey yinz, how's everyone this week? Me, I'm super!

Item! Everyone's favorite children's star Mr. Rogers just retired. Wow! Seems those pricks at PBS need a younger, hipper bore to put kids to sleep in the afternoon. Fred, I've been a fan for years, it's sad to see you go.

Have you tried the beer Old German? "The world knows no finer" they say.

Speaking of Old Germans, did anyone see that new Hasselhoff series? I got a bay he can watch!

You know, old Stevie's been on the prowl for something new. Now that my fave Latiff Grimms is gone, who will replace him in my dreams? I've been thinking that maybe that li’l runner Rayland Kirkley can rush on me anyday!

Oh my God, did you see that hippie dude playing hacky-sack last week in front of the Towers? He can play with my sack anyday!

Here's a scoop I just gotta share: SGB pres Alex Jeffrey secretly likes Penn State. But you didn't hear that here.

Am I the only person in Pittsburgh that's sad the Bucko's didn't win any games this season? Poor Jason Kendall, but kudos to that bad boy behind the plate for all the times he bent over grabbing for balls. You know where Stevie will be reserving his season tickets next year.

Why do some people spell the jizz word “cum” and others “come?”

Sometimes I think I'll never learn this language!

Item! Walt Harris is pissed.

People always ask me why I like football so much. "Stevie," they say, "What is it about a bunch of guys in tight pants smacking into each other that gets you going?" It's the competition. That's what it is.

Did you know that Pittsburgh Brewing Company is 150 years old this year? I hope I taste that great when I'm 150!

Now that there aren't any good bars for the frat boys to go to in Oakland anymore, I'm going to open my own bar called “Just for Frat Boys.” Circle jerk, anyone?

I was riding the bus the other day and I swear that I saw Myron Cope. Yoi! Of course, it just could have been some guy from Homestead.

Why does coffee make you want to shit?

Well, that's all the juicy news Stevie has this week. Check out my next column to find out the answer to the question about that guy that's been dicking me around (literally!). That, and I finally found out why Mr. Tickles has been burning so much lately. Till then, friends.