Sunday, June 29, 2008

South Oakland Drug Dealers Embrace Nationwide Urban Green Trend


When you hear about urban drug dealers going green, you might think they are referencing a newfound slang for money. However, many inner-city entrepreneurs are surprisingly aligning themselves with the typically, white upper-middle class green movement. Turns out, dealers, like most Americans, are feeling the effects of high gas prices.

“Fucking gas prices be cutting in our scrilla and shit,” said South Oakland urban capitalist Tyrone Bell. “Used to be, back in the day [two years ago], we’d be balling and making money hand over fist, now we only up to our wrists in cheddar. We do a’hite, but shit, not like back in the day [two years ago].”

Surprisingly Bell and other urban industrialists have been scaling back their excesses in a profession which has built a culture upon it with the popularization of big, gas guzzling sport utility vehicles such as Lincoln Navigators and Cadillac Escalades.

“Up until recently you could suss out a drive by if you saw a slow rolling Escalade with tinted windows barreling down the street,” explained Bell. “Now I swear you see niggas everyday rolling up on a block, fucking popping out the hatchback of Priuses and shit, just shooting up a mother fucking corner.”

Conservation is also popping up in a variety of other urban arenas, most notably an unforeseen trend of gangster rappers extolling the virtues of preservation of natural resources. Most notably the rapper Chamillionare has released a remix of his 2006 smash hit Ridin’, which he has re-titled Still Ridin’ Dirty, though I’m Limiting Carbon Emissions [in the process]. Other eco-friendly rap songs are expected later this summer from T.I. (Recycle That Empty Cristal Bottle) and from Lil’ Wayne (You Best Turn the Lights Out, Before you F%#& a Bitch).

Environmental crusader and former Vice President, Al Gore has enthusiastically embraced this newfound, urban environmentalism. He’s currently partnering with Urban Works Entertainment to package his award-winning documentary An Inconvenient Truth with the current urban release 17000 Block. Most major urban markets will also have street teams peddling bootleg copies of the DVDs on major city intersections. Gore and Urban Works Entertainment are also in negotiations to create An Inconvenient Truth documentary remix to feature narration by rappers Ice Cube and Flavor Flav.

While conservation efforts can’t come too soon for Gore, local peddlers like Bell are hoping the trend doesn’t last long. He’s looking for the environmental crisis to abate, and gas prices to lower, so he can resume riding in larger SUV vehicles.

“It’s embarrassing and shit. Being one of the kings of the city and being forced to roll through the streets in a Honda Fit. If these prices keep rising, we’ll be forced to take [the mother fucking] bus,” said Bell.

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