Riverhounds Home Opener Almost Sold Out

The 4,300 seat home field for the Pittsburgh Riverhounds is nearly sold out for the home opener on April 24. Only 4,271 tickets remain for the highly anticipated contest against archrival Northern Virginia. The Riverhounds are warning that fans better act quick if they want to catch all the intense, hard driven kicking action on opening night.

“Don’t miss out, it’s gonna be awesome,” exclaimed Riverhound PR Director and CCAC Boyce intern Greg Rodgers. “Please don’t miss out, I have three credits riding on the attendance. If I don’t draw at least 400 people, I’ll be replaced with some hot shot intern from Duff’s Business School. Please come, it’ll be…not so bad. Please. Ah, who am I kidding, I’ll never get 400 people to come to Moon on a Saturday night. I should have taken that internship with National Cash Advance.”

Rodgers’ excitement is being backed up by the Hounds second year Head Coach Ricardo Iribarren.

“I can’t believe this shit,” enthused Iribarren. “After a stellar soccer career, the only lousy job I can land is coaching this shitty-ass team, in this God forsaken city. My agent said I’d be rich and famous if I came to the US. He promised me magazine covers. I wish I knew he was talking about an impressive spread in the Moon-Coraopolis Eagle. I wish I stayed in Argentina.”

To obtain tickets for the home opener stop by the Riverhounds ticket office, located in the coat pocket of “Jerry”, who hangs out at Jack’s on the South Side on Wednesday and Friday nights.