Dozens Worldwide Celebrate Old German Toast

In a moving ceremony fit for an indistinct beverage overlooked by millions annually, the Pittsburgh Brewing Company held a worldwide Old German toast last Friday evening. Though publicized to bars across the globe, the actual toast was only shared by the three known Old German carriers (Denny’s, Thirsty’s, and Gooski’s), all of which are conveniently located in Pittsburgh.

The toast occurred at 11:00 PM at the three locations, where patrons and Old German drinkers numbering in the tens simultaneously raised their bottles in salute to the underachieving beverage. Analysts estimate that approximately 38 patrons at the establishments participated in the event.

The toast was preceded by a proclamation read by area bartenders. Denny’s bartender and owner, Gene Ney, read the proclamation which stated, “We are here to celebrate Old German Premium Lager, of which the world knows no finer. The semi-clear Lawrenceville waters which give Old German its distinctive taste combine with the freshest ingredients to bring you your favorite beer under $10 per case. We salute the beer and most importantly our esteemed guests who lack sufficient funds to imbibe on a premium beverage. So raise your bottle, open your throat, and chug that brew down!”

The toast was the largest for a bottom barrel beer since the 1998 Carnegie Mellon University Sigma Chi party in which 42 fraternity brothers simultaneously pledged life-long allegiance to Natural Light Ice. The pledge was short-lived, however, as the following weeks party included a supply of Jacob Best after Craig Street Distributors ran out of Natural Light Ice.

Old German’s quality was summed up by a frequent Denny’s patron who characterized the beer, “oh, my God, this is the best beer ever. It’s fabulous.”