Friday, February 13, 2004

South Oakland Vagrant Angered By Nickel Donation

Lawrence Reynolds stands on the corner of Atwood and Forbes Avenue for an average of 32 hours a week. The panhandler pulls in an average contribution of 31 cents per person for his standing services. He was, however, dissatisfied last Wednesday when he was low-balled by an apparent contributor.

“I normally get quarters, dimes, and the occasional dollar bill. I can’t believe some little shitmuffin put a nickel in my cup,” said Reynolds. “I mean, I don’t mind a nickel if it’s mixed with a dime and two quarters, but by itself? Come on. It’s hardly worth the trouble of picking it up. Gee, thanks, now I can buy that piece of grape Bazooka gum I’ve always wanted. Don’t people realize how inflation has driven up the prices of consumer goods since a Republican president and Congress have dominated Washington politics. Asshole.”

Reynolds apparently acted out on his displeasure by using the other monies he had acquired to purchase 750 ML of an undisclosed spirit.

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