Thursday, March 06, 2003

Women's History Month Celebrated With Issues Of Barely Legal

Women’s groups across the country are celebrating. Every March since 1987, America has celebrated Women’s History Month. And this March is no exception.

From Carnegie Mellon’s Women’s Center to Pitt’s Campus Women’s Organization (CWO), Women’s groups around Pittsburgh are holding conferences, listening to speakers, and having rallies to celebrate women’s history and to fight for equality on campus, at the workplace, and all over the world.

“We’re trying to raise awareness that women are still underrepresented in everything,” said CWO president Alison Bodenhemier.

“In addition to raising awareness, we’re trying to raise a few bucks by selling our ‘Finer-er Things’ calendar.” In addition to major women’s groups celebrating Women’s History Month, students all over South Oakland have been holding festivities honoring women as well.

Josh Holden of Atwood Street told us that his friends have decided not to hook-up with any girls at their parties throughout the month of March. Scott Yerwood of Parkview Avenue said that girls get five free throws in naked beer pong all month. Alex Ustinavich, however, is taking this month very seriously.

“My girlfriend is in CWO, so I went to some stuff to like show my support,” said Ustinavich. “You know, like Take Back the Night and shit. Get involved. I guess I’m kinda the sensitive type sometimes.”

Ustinavich decided that in honor of womankind, he’d begin the arduous task of sorting his porno collection. “Yeah, I got tons a mags and shit, and like 40 or so videos. I figure maybe I’ll sell or give away the old stuff, or the stuff with Jenna [Jameson], she turns me off these days. I’m much more into Kobe Tai – something about Asian poon that’s been getting me going lately.”

“Holy shit, dude, I just totally found my Barely Legal with that chick I love!” exclaimed Ustinavich as he rifled through his stack of Purely 18, Penthouse, Hustler, Jugs, and Barely Legal magazines. “Fuck, dude. Look at her tits – they’re perfect. And that landing strip…fuck! Denys Defrancesco, I wish I was you!”

Judging by the various stacks of porn littering the bedroom of Mr. Ustinavich, it looks like he’ll have his work cut out for him this March.

“I’m totally going to enjoy every page of this shit before it’s gone – especially my Barely Legals. I love women!”

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