Thursday, March 06, 2003

Pitt Nerds In Paradise

Each March, thousands of college students head to Florida for one glorious week – spring break. Now, spring break has once again come and gone. In the past, spring break has traditionally brought about such activities as excessive and dangerous binge drinking, and sloppy, unprotected sex with faceless strangers, whose names slowly fade away with the next day’s hangovers. This year was no different as perennial hot-spot Ft. Lauderdale, Florida was overrun for a week by hoards of buff and sexy college co-eds. And nerds.

Yes, among the fun and sun-seeking beautiful students, a contingent of Pitt’s finest nerds made their way down the east coast, seeking the same memories of sex, drugs, and rock n’roll that their attractive, more popular fellow students sought. Among them: robotics fanatics, child-prodigy aerodynamic experts, slobs, and a gay man.

“Spring break rules!” exclaimed nerd Louis Skolnik. “Man, the stories I could tell! I totally got the cute girl who worked at a hotel to fall for me, we transformed the Hotel Coral Essex’s neon sign to say ‘Hot oral sex’ for a party montage segment, and we even got stranded on an island by some jocks.”

Using their brains and ingenuity, the Pitt nerds got off the island. The nerds had their revenge though, when the rest of the spring break party-goers came to their defense at the hotel, throwing the cooler, meaner jocks into the swimming pool. Reportedly, jock and Pitt tackle Rob “Ogre” Petitti befriended them and became a nerd himself by trip’s end.

“Even Booger [fellow nerd Dudley Dawson] met some guy to be a mentor- guru-type there,” continued Skolnik. “He kind of looked like Lopan from Big Trouble in Little China.”

Sadly, fellow nerd Gilbert White was forced to stay in Pittsburgh with a broken leg, reportedly caused by a freak chess accident. Added Skolnik, “it was a very tricky [chess] move.”

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