Thursday, February 13, 2003

Steelers Change Name to Knowledgers

In a historic move last Thursday, Pittsburgh Steeler President Dan Rooney announced the second name change in the history of the professional football franchise founded by his father Art. Originally known as the Pittsburgh Pirates, the franchise changed their name to the Steelers in 1940. The Steelers name has lasted over sixty years, but will officially be changed next season to the “Knowledgers.”

“I got the idea for the name when President Bush visited last February and referred to Pittsburgh as ‘Knowledgetown,’” explained Rooney. “Our president really has a poetic grasp of the English language. I wanted to not only honor him, but honor the city of Pittsburgh as well, as it adapts to its new niche in America society.”

The change also pleases Pittsburgh City Council which for the past several years has been making attempts to reform the nations conception of Pittsburgh as a blue collar steel town.

“This is exactly the kind of shake up we need to move Pittsburgh into the 21st Century,” said City Council President Bob O'Connor. “Instead of antiquated images of steel mills on Monday Night Football, we can have more civilized images of students studying in libraries and writing poetry in Starbucks. Hopefully, this will appeal to the young people we desperately need to keep, as well as lure new technological industries.”

While the modification pleases Pittsburgh insiders, many long time residents are fuming over the new name.

“I think Dan Rooney has lost his mind,” said season ticket holder John Riley. “The Knowledgers is the stupidest name I’ve ever heard. The Steelers should change their name to ‘the Bankers’ to honor all the financial transactions which occur in this great city.”

Regardless of criticism, the name change will become official this preseason. Abercrombie and Fitch will now become the official outfitter of the Pittsburgh Knowledgers.

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