South Oakland Tits Expected to Bounce Back in '03

Chief South Oakland breast forecaster Donald Wideman has predicted a favorable upswing for horny, undergraduate males on the lookout for chesticular scenery this coming year. Wideman predicts a big bounce back starting in the second quarter of 2003.

“Those getting discouraged by the market need to be patient,” advised Wideman. “The current breast climate is not the same one you’ll see towards the early part of 2003 when the market will start to peak. The best thing watchers can do right now is pick out potential prospects and wait for them to pan out.”

Wideman explains the current cleavage drought is due to several conjoining factors. He cited cold weather, which causes females to pile on layers, a current trend towards wool sweaters, and a worldwide reactionary fashion movement against Pop-Star Christina Aguilera’s latest makeover.

“I think once spring starts to arrive, you’re going to see a tube top/tank top resurgence which will really spark the jugular impetus needed for a full recovery,” continued Wideman.

While Wideman says the turn around is still months away, breast watchers do not need to hibernate until spring. He recommended some tips for power players to stay active during the current dry spell.

“Although the cold weather brings increased coverage, watchers still need to remember that it provides valuable opportunities for hard-nipple spotting. And while breast spying on the street is at a low, keep in mind high-yielding virtual alternatives. I personally explore ‘skin-a-max,’ bigjugs.com, and reruns of Felicity when the market’s stalled. The opportunities are there, you just have to know where to find them.”