Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Pitt Junior Wonders What the Hell's Going On With Iraq

It is a subject which has been on the minds of most Americans across the country for months. However, for one University of Pittsburgh junior, the looming war with Iraq and its threat of acquiring nuclear weapons is a subject of confusion.

“I know whatever it is, it’s not good,” Pitt junior Jeremy Cassel declared. “Maybe something about a war because they did something to us. I think they might have said something bad to President Bush or his father.”

Cassel’s difficulty understanding current events issues stems from his failure to read or watch a local or national news outlet. Cassel has apparently not seen a news headline since this past summer when he witnessed a CNN news piece about a potential drought for the East Coast while waiting for his Atwood Street barber, Joe Bellasario.

“Yeah, I guess this summer was pretty hot,” remembered Cassel. “There was maybe not enough water in Philadelphia, so people couldn’t wash their cars or something. Maybe we’re warring with Iraq to get more water so we can wash our cars again?”

Cassel’s closest encounter with a news story about the potential Iraqi conflict came while smoking marijuana with roommate Geoff Lewis. Cassel apparently caught a Daily Show spoof on the subject, but was reportedly too high to understand its implications.

No comments: