Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Rendell Vows To Do Nothing For South Oakland

Newly elected Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell made thousands of promises to millions of voters in hundreds of neighborhoods across the state. However

“It’s a shit hole,” Rendell commented. “Broken bottles, human [excrement], no place to park, litter in the streets, and run-down housing. This place is worthless to me, the city of Pittsburgh, and the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.”

Rendell has appropriated zero dollars from the state to improve the ailing community. In addition, Rendell has not appointed any representational resources to the neighborhood. Also, the neighborhood will not be chosen as a “weed and seed” district in which the state allocates money to rebuild struggling communities.

“‘Weed and seed,’ are you kidding me?” said Rendell. “I’m no horticulture expert, but I’ve never heard of any life form which can grow out of vomit, urine, and passed out frat boys.”

While Rendell remains opposed to South Oakland reform, spin doctors warn this policy could potentially alienate the incumbent from the nearly 28 registered South Oakland voters in the next election.

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