Saturday, November 16, 2002

LCB Honors .20 Scholar Athletes

The Pennsylvania state Liquor Control Board honored 37 outstanding athletes who took top honors amongst their peers in Blood Alcohol Content for the 2001-2002 athletic seasons. At a ceremony hosted by Board Chairman, Jonathan H. Newman, the honorees were each given a 1.75 ML handle of Jose Cuervo Especial and a $2,000 scholarship from Anheuser-Bush.

“We are extremely proud of these athletes,” Athletic Director Steve Pederson declared. “Not only do they excel at the top of their respective sports, but they also find time to get smashed beyond all recognition. Not many other Division I programs outside of Florida can say the same thing.”

Every year the Pennsylvania LCB honors one distinguished in-state program which manages to balance athletic excellence with alcoholic prowess. With the 37 athletes at Pitt surpassing the .20 mark, the University of Pittsburgh was chosen as this year's recipient. Pitt narrowly beat out Penn State for the award. Lehigh University, who won the award the previous 13 years was disqualified from the competition after administration forced fraternities to go dry in November.

“Yeah, we drink way more than those Penn State pussies,” swimmer Nate Johnson declared in between shots of Jagermeister “We can pound beers with anyone in the country. P-E-N-N S-T sucks…down less alcohol than we do.”

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