Pitt Announces Plans to Build New $76M State-of-the-Art Something-Or-Other

Following last week’s Board of Trustee’s meeting, University of Pittsburgh spokesman Robert Hill announced the school is planning on building a new $76 million state-of-the-art something-or-other. The new whatever-it-is is slated to be built in the block between Atwood and Meyran Streets, which is currently occupied by the Sennott Street parking lot.

“This is a very exciting time for the university,” began Hill. “What better way to celebrate the university’s bright outlook toward the future than by building some kind of new technologically-advanced marvel in some highly visible location in the Oakland community.”

As Pitt’s campus thrusts deeper and deeper into the South Oakland neighborhood, many residents are wondering what exactly the university has in store for their community.

“When students and residents see what the university has planned,” continued Hill, “be it a very modern glass and steel, a more traditional style, or something completely different, the community is going to have something to be proud of both functionally and aesthetically.”

While construction will build over the Sennott Street lot, Hill pointed out that university officials foresee no problems for faculty and students to easily access whatever it may be. “With the nearby Meyran parking garage, not to mention the normal off-street parking, no one will have any difficulty being able to learn or dine or practice or live in this wonderful new facility that will forever change the landscape and skyline of our community.”

With this new endeavor, Pitt hopes to once again garner national attention for having yet another over-blown, over-priced facility featuring the very latest advancements for on-campus housing or biotechnology or athletics or something.

“Be they pre-med, engineering, women’s basketball or even home-sick freshmen,” Hill added, “one small cross-section of students or faculty is really going to be blown away.”

“No matter what they build,” says long-time “Pitt Stop” owner and former Panther Charles “Chaz” Bonasorte, “I just hope they tell me soon, so I can put it on one of these competitively priced, super-durable, heavy-duty, cotton T’s.”