Roosevelt Bynes Declares Himself Eligible for XFL Draft

Freshman wide receiver Roosevelt Bynes followed in his mentor's footsteps yesterday by forgoing his remaining college eligibility in order to become available for a professional football draft. However, unlike his mentor, Antonio Bryant, Bynes did not enter the NFL draft, rather the now-defunct XFL draft.

Published reports coming from Pitt's Executive Associate Athletic Director Marc Boehm confirm the speculation. “Yes, Mr. Bynes did declare himself eligible for the XFL draft even though the league does not exist. Myself, [Head Coach Walt] Harris, and [Athletic Director] Steve [Pederson] repeatedly informed Roosevelt that the league was no longer in existence, but he wouldn't listen. I guess sometimes it's necessary for these young men to make their own mistakes and learn from them. The University wishes Roosevelt the best of luck with whatever is his next life endeavor.”

Bynes apparently did not believe the athletic administration when they told him the XFL was no more. “Shit,” Bynes reported when he learned the truth. “I thought coach was lying to me when he told me the XFL was gone. I thought he just wanted to keep me at Pitt. How can [the league] not be around, those games were tight. ‘He Hate Me’ was a beast. I even had my own nickname picked out, I was going to be known as ‘Stikky Fingaz’. Shit.”

Although Bynes’ XFL dreams are shattered, it is possible the freshman wide receiver could land himself in another ring.

Vince McMahon, CEO of the former XFL and current CEO of the World Wrestling Federation, has been in negotiations with Bynes concerning a possible slot in the professional wrestling association.

“I’m really impressed by RB’s loyalty to the XFL,” said McMahon. “Even if NBC didn't go for it, I’m impressed this young man did. I am a man of loyalty, and since RB took a chance on us, we’re willing to take a chance on him. I’m thinking of bringing him into the WWF, possibly as a partner for Billy Gunn or maybe even Scotty 2 Hotty. We already have a few nicknames we’re tossing around for RB, ‘Hell Raizin Roosevelt’, ‘Big Tyme Bynes’, or maybe even simply 'RB’.”

Pending contractual approval, Bynes is slotted for an introductory appearance in SummerSlam 2002.

“I’ll mess Kurt Angle up,” Bynes antagonized.