Saturday, March 16, 2002

Antonio Bryant Leaves Class Early

Pitt junior wide receiver Antonio Bryant captured CL 218’s attention yesterday when he announced he was leaving his Indo-European Folk Tales class approximately 15 minutes early.

“Excuse me, Professor Timmons,” Bryant announced. “I’m sorry, sir, but I have to leave a little bit early today. My Direct TV repairman is coming to fix my dish. I want to thank you and my classmates for the sixty minutes of knowledge I received here today. This is truly a class I will cherish, but it’s just time to move on to the next level of television viewing. It’s not about the reading assignments, I think it’s more about the Must See TV programming I’ve been missing. I really feel like this is something I need to do right now in my life.” Classmates were shocked by Bryant’s surprise departure, but it was a possibility they were prepared for.

“I was sad to see him go, I really was. [Bryant's] got real great insight into the classics,” classmate Jim “the book” Rodgers admitted. “It just means there’s more pressure on the rest of us to step up and take the lead in some of these discussions. Antonio certainly got us to the point we’re at now in understanding these great works, it’s just up to us to continue it.”

Professor Timmons later expressed his well wishes for Bryant in the next phase of his afternoon. “I certainly want to thank Antonio for his participation here today. He’s been a valuable part of this class for the last hour. His insight into Grimm’s Old Hildebrand is really on the money. But I understand Antonio needs to take his knowledge to the next plateau of television viewing and explore the theme of adultery in Ally McBeal and Sex in the City—Mr. Bryant is a gifted student with a great future of cultural analysis ahead of him.”

Bryant is expected to make himself eligible for the optional study group which meets Saturday afternoons in the Cathedral Commons Room. Scholastic insiders have him pegged as a Post-Freudian, Early-Focaultian analyst.

No comments: