Friday, November 23, 2007

Bodies the Exhibition Opens Special South Oakland Wing


The acclaimed worldwide phenomenon, Bodies the Exhibition, has finally come to Pittsburgh after much waiting and anticipation. The exhibit features human specimens underneath skin in athletic positions such as shooting a basketball, hitting a volleyball, or kicking a soccer ball. New to the display at the Carnegie Science Center is an area highlight that helps to investigate the mysteries and wonders of one of Pittsburgh’s classic cultures.

“We are pleased to announce this partnership and first exploration of regionalism in Bodies the Exhibition,” announced curator Maxwell Mendell. “Starting in Pittsburgh this October we will feature new bodies for the first time which will highlight local talent with a remarkably regional flavor.”

The exhibition features muscular outlines in traditional South Oakland poses. Researchers spent three weeks getting acculturated and acclimated to the South Oakland lifestyle to find authentic and accurate depictions. Among the features are a young adult female strolling on a Sunday morning walk of shame, a young adult male’s muscular display of the awesome power of clearing a beer bong, and a young adult male showing the desperation and despair which comes from hugging the toilet bowl after an all night binge drinking session.

“Originally we were only supposed to take one week gathering our data,” explained lead researcher Alfred R. Burton of the process by which the new poses were chosen. “But by the end of the first week, we were lost in a haze of confusion, which we can only conclude came from an experience of the investigative phenomenon known as ‘contact high.’ All I could make out from my notes were some scribblings about suggestions for body poses of a ‘dirty sanchez’ and ‘Cleveland steamer.’ In the second week we realized that, in order to be completely effective, we needed to connect our research to direct experience, so we entered PiKA’s fourth annual Labor Day beer pong tournament. Boy, did we go down a wrong alley there. Let’s just say it took us a while to recover from that one. Way behind on our deadline, we took the suggestion of one of our subjects who handed us pills labeled ‘Ritalin’ and ‘bamn’, and we churned out 72 pages of research in a 4 hour period.”

South Oakland residents were treated to an early viewing of the exhibition last Sunday morning as the Science Center partnered with University of Pittsburgh’s Fraternity Council to offer a special Kegs, Eggs, and Bodies sneak preview.

“Fucking awesome,” enthused Delta Tau Delta member Ryan Lockhart about the regional exhibition. “Seeing all that shit gave me some real deep appreciation for the beauty and power of that which is the South Oakland machine. Except for that one dude who was hugging the bowl, he must have been hammered. I even took out my sharpie and wrote “cock stain” on his forehead. Dude was so out of it, he didn’t even flinch. What an asshole.”

2 comments:

John Holmes said...

Let me begin by saying that there is of "official" "Labor Day Beer Pong Tournament" supported by the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity. We in no way promote or encourage binge drinking in any form.

Secondly, I find it highly unlikely that these researches could have participated in aforementioned (and dubious) pong tourney, as most fraternity events are closed events. Unless one of the guys was a PiKe back in the day, then it would be totally cool.

Keep up the informative stories, but please get your facts strate!

Anonymous said...

John: why don't you stick to porn and let the adults deal with the non-truthful, highly suspect funny bits of comedy, hmmm?