Friday, September 14, 2001

Autistic Student Late For Wapner
- WIll Only Take 71A (K-Mart Sucks)

It was announced yesterday that Raymond Babbit of Shadyside was late for Court TV's afternoon rerun of “The People's Court” Tuesday. Babbit reportedly refused to take any other 71 PAT bus to his Negley Avenue apartment except the 71A.

“Definitely the 71A,” explained Babbit. “Uh-ohh, Raymond's late for Wapner!”

Babbit is said to be what doctors call an “Autistic Savant.” Souf Oaklin fo' Life!!! was unable to uncover any further information relating to the history of Babbit's condition, knowing only the fact that it leaves him with strict routines which he adamantly adheres to for no apparent logical reason.

“12,256 windows in PPG Place, definitely 12,256 windows,” said Babbit, staring down at a cigarette butt left discarded on the sidewalk. “Ha-ha, mister reporter man made a joke, ha-ha.”

At approximately 2:34 pm, a 71A bus came to the bus stop outside of the Market Square McDonald's. However, at just that same moment, a young lady dropped a box of toothpicks on the sidewalk. Immediately Babbit began counting them, saying, “218 toothpicks. Definitely 218.” When the young lady told Babbit not to worry about it, eyewitnesses say she touched his arm to comfort him. Babbit then began to shout “Ahhhhhhhhh, Ahhhhhhhhhh!” and rock back and forth, thus missing the 71A, not to mention drawing the attention of a moderately sized crowd in the process.

Following the crowd’s dispersal, the visibly disturbed Babbit began to calm down. He then looked at his watch and began to erupt, “Uh-oh! Uh-oh! I'm gonna be late for Wapner! Uh-oh! Definitely 12,256 windows in PPG Place.”

When asked, Babbit told a nearby man that he lived in Shadyside. “See son, you can take this next bus, then,” explained the man, “see, it's a 71C, it'll go to Shadyside.”

“Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Late for Wapner. Only 71A. Only good bus! 71A,” replied Babbit, refusing to get on the 71C.

Babbit waited for the next 71A, which arrived at 3:52 pm. "Uh-oh, definitely gonna miss Wapner!" said Babbit.

It is uncertain whether the bus got Babbit home in time to see the end of People's Court. The number of stops made and passengers aboard the bus was unknown. Follow up attempts by S.O.F.L were ignored.

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