Real Coat Cheaper Than Beer Coat

Sophomore Jennifer Wardle enjoys hanging out with friends, talking to boys, and shopping. But she enjoys drinking beer and smoking Parliament Lights much more.

“Yeah, I guess you can say I’m a party animal,” explained Wardle. “Now that I’m 21, I love to hang out at the [Pittsburgh] Café, Denny’s and Uncle Jimmy’s. It’s cool.”

Jennifer spends almost every night at a different bar around Oakland.

“You know it’s her, just by that ratty-ass coat she wears,” explains Bootlegger’s bartender Chrissy Saluto. “I mean, it’s like ’95 GAP or something, full of holes, and the fake fur at the collar and cuffs is all coming off. Time for a new coat, sister. Also, the two shots and the beer will be $6.50.”

Wardle admits she loves bar hopping, but now that the weather is turning colder, the coat she bought last year at Goodwill isn’t keeping her as warm as she’d like. Continued Wardle, “It’s got some holes and stuff. But it was only like $5! Who needs a coat? I’m getting wasted tonight and wearing the old ‘beer coat’ home!”