Sunday, September 07, 2003

Pitt Freshman Eager To Be Away From Home, Buy Porn Anonymously

Incoming Pitt freshman Brett Webster is happy to be away from his small hometown of Drums, PA. Upon being accepted into Pitt’s 2003-2004 freshman class, Webster thought of all the excitement that awaited him both at the University and in the Oakland area. He’d finally have the freedom to get away from the small town atmosphere where he and his parents knew most everyone in the town, to be his own person in an urban environment. And buy porn.

“Kick ass!” exclaimed Webster. “Oh, the sweet Playboys… the Penthouses… Hustler, Club I think it’s called, and who knows what else they’ll have at Pitt. Those are the only four they have behind the counter at [local convenience/video store] One-Stop, back home. Watch out Pitt… Barely Legal, here I come!”

The small-town nature of Drums prevented Webster from buying porn in the past, both before and after his 18th birthday.

“Well, Wayne from down the street is the manager there, and Kim, this girl I went to high school with is always working during the days, so I can’t just go up and ask for something. They don’t even rent porn videos either.” Webster continued, “and there’s only one ‘adult’ store, but ‘Crazy Fred’ runs it. The thing is, Fred lives at home with his mom, but his mom and my grandma both count the money after church on Sunday. I couldn’t risk her finding out.”

“I’ve already got it planned out,” he explains, “Gus Miller’s on Forbes, and Take Two down in South Oakland somewhere. I don’t know where yet, but I’ll find it my first weekend. Finally. This is what college is all about.”

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