Sunday, September 07, 2003

Panthers Petition Big East Officials For Pre-Emptive Strike Against Hurricanes

The University of Pittsburgh Head Football Coach Walt Harris has been lobbying Big East Officials to grant the Panthers permission to use physical force to oust the allegedly corrupt University of Miami Larry Coker regime. While Big East officials acknowledge the accusation, it seems the legislative branch of the football conference is favoring the use of investigators to look into the claims of misconduct.

“While I appreciate the stance of the Big East to use non-violent means to settle this conflict, there simply is not enough time to come to a peaceful resolution before the November 29 contest between our two Universities,” said Harris. “We need to be proactive in a strike to affect the makeup of this football team before they wreck havoc on the rest of the Big East. Our intelligence has shown the coaching staff of Miami has systematically undertaken a policy which borders on abuse in its training camps, and also has a number of recruiting violations. The time to act is now. Not after the national championship is decided.”

Harris has issued a plan which will debilitate the Coker regime by attacking the arsenal of its offense.

“Our plan is simple and effective. We plan to send All-American candidate Claude Harriott and starting linebacker Lewis Moore behind enemy lines in Miami to take out starting quarterback Brock Berlin, running back Frank Gore, and wide receiver Jason Geathers. By seriously dismantling them, we can generate a public outcry against the arsenal of their offense and we can proactively dismantle their fraudulent regime.”

While Harris is confident that action should be taken, many around the Big East are skeptical.

“The Panthers are merely using these allegations as a cover for their own desires to control the lucrative Florida recruiting base,” argued Virginia Tech Head Coach Frank Beemer. “Harris has failed to document even one case of an NCAA violation. These are trumped up charges. If Miami has violated any regulations then NCAA investigators need to look into these claims, not the Panthers defensive line.”

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