Dead Night at Thirsty's

They say that every night is “dead night” at Thirsty’s, and who knows better than bartender Jeff Armstrong.

“I’ve never made more than twenty fuckin’ bucks a night in tips.”

Due to lack of business, Thirsty’s Bar, at the corner of Center Ave. and Craig St., has decided to extend its Dead Night from Wednesdays to every night of the week.

Added Armstrong, “The name fits.”

“Thirsty’s is such a cool bar,” explains regular patron Melissa Walters. “I mean, it’s never crowded and the beer is so cheap, what’s not to love? I could use less Grateful Dead music, but it’s a small price to pay.”

Thirsty’s, whose sister bar Denny’s is one of the trendiest bars in Oakland, is considered to be a cash cow by many.

“I don’t know why that shithole is still open,” commented Pitt senior Sarah Zelar, “it’s not like they even get any business. And that goddam Grateful Dead music all the time.”

“I hear they’ve even got Old German at Denny's now,” said Armstrong. “We still try to entice people with fuckin’ Yuengling Lager.”