Tuesday, October 08, 2002

"Yinz Are All A Bunch A Jag-Offs!" Decrees Blawnox Native

Blawnox native and Pitt junior Donny Lewsheski is not the kind of guy to get on your bad side. Just ask the residents of 367 Atwood Street. Last weekend, they hosted a “kick-ass kegger” and resident Bill Jones invited Lewsheski to come over and “peep the scene.”

“Yeah, I invited [Lewsheski] over. We’re both English majors and we’ve had most of our classes together for the last three years, but we never really hung out much. Don lives with his parents in Blawnox, and I live in Oakland, so we never got to party together,” explained Jones.

Unfortunately, Jones’ good intentions turned sour during a beer pong game when Lewsheski and his partner, Jen Marliva, lost to Jones and his roommate Todd Evans. Lewsheski reportedly went “fucking ape-shit.”

“No, dude, he definitely went fucking ape-shit,” clarified Evans. “One minute it was all a friendly game. We had them by like a cup, but that hottie Jen, she hits the muther fucker to tie it all up. But then we’ve got both the balls, right, and Jonesie just nails that shit and is all like, ‘what you got now, Lewsheski?’ ya know, some friendly table-talk. Well, fuck me if Donny didn't throw the cup at Jonesie. It was fucking crazy. Jen ducked for cover as Donny tossed the table to the side like he was the [Incredible] Hulk, dude. And it took like four guys to keep him from wiping the floor with Bill. Fucking nut case.”

As the situation began to quiet itself, Jones, Evans, and fellow residents Chuck Upstien and Jay Rebert asked Lewsheski to leave quietly. Lewsheski was anything but compliant. Lewsheski reportedly said, “Fuck off, Bill,” as he walked out the front door, then he turned and delivered his most solemn oath of hatred, known in Blawnox as the worst curse utterable: “yinz are all a bunch a jag-offs!” And he stormed off into the night.

“Donny’s cool, but I guess he gets a little competitive sometimes. To be honest, I'm glad we escaped with our lives. I’ve heard that Blawnox people are fucking psycho when they get hammered.”

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