Wednesday, July 10, 2002

Mad Dog Imbiber: "What the Hell Happened Last Night?"

South Oakland Mad Dog aficionado Jeremy Owens reported memory loss and head pains after downing two and a half bottles of Mad Dog fortified liquor the previous night. Reports coming from his 236 Semple Street home confirm Owens’ loss of memory and consciousness.

“Dude, you were bombed last night,” roommate Michael C. O’Reilly declared to Owens. “Do you remember anything?”

Owens reported “hazy” memories of certain guests and beer pong games being played.

“I think my ex-girlfriend Melissa was over. I hope I didn’t say anything stupid. Oh shit, did I?” Owens questioned to his roommates.

Roommates confirmed Owens intuitions informing him of his brief argument with ex Melissa Peters and his often use of profanity such as “slut,” “whorebag,” and “trailer-[trash]-bitch.”

“Oh fuck,” Owens summarized. “There’s probably no getting out of this one. Fuck.” Further developments revealed Owens ill-fated attempt at a booty call to “that girl in my Intro to Critical Reading class,” a misfired punch at friend James Arnold, and a heart felt speech in which Owens professed his love to roommates, friends, and associates.

No word yet if Owens plans a repeat Mad Dog performance.

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