Thursday, April 25, 2002

"O" Fries Cheese is the Fountain of Youth!

- From the SOFL "Tabloid" Edition - A team of crack archaeologists at the University of Pittsburgh have made the biggest discovery of their careers: they found the fountain of youth!

“I've been looking in South America for the famous fountain of youth and El Dorado all my life,” said Pitt Archaeologist Marc Bermann, “I never thought I’d find it in my own backyard!”

“It's true,” says Original Hot Dog Shop (also known as the “O”) regular Angelina Dixon, “The cheese you can get with ‘O’ fries is really a fountain of youth. Look at me, I'm almost 47!”

Melted cheese a fountain of youth? That’s what hundreds of buff young men and nubile young women at the University of Pittsburgh attest.

And guess what? Many noted University of Pittsburgh graduates are also “O” cheese fry regulars too. Some of these include U.S. Representative Mary Hart, motorcycle guru Erik Buell, and even former Miami Dolphins quarterback Dan Marino.

“Look at my youthful figure and agile body, this doesn't come from hours in the gym,” explained Marino, “No, I've had ‘O’ cheese sent to me specially every week for the past 20 years.”

Just think, eternal youth for just $1.27 with an order of famous "O" fries.

“I've been at Pitt for almost seven years,” explains sophomore Jeremy Hanihan, “I get a medium ‘O’ fry with cheese every Saturday, and look at me!”

Not all folks are sold on this cheesy fountain of youth. Many locals are, in fact, quite skeptical of the seemingly magic properties of the faux Cheez-Whiz.

“Kids in college for seven years…It's just unnatural,” says long-time Oakland resident Mary Klutchis. “Why can't these kids leave well-enough alone?”

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