Sunday, November 04, 2007

Mayor "Not Sure" How Vomit, White Makeup Ended Up In Police SUV

U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan has begun an investigation into why a city-owned vehicle was found this morning in a city police bureau lot with white makeup stains on the upholstery and vomit on both the inside and outside.

The vehicle, a GMC Yukon, purchased for the Pittsburgh Police Bureau with Homeland Security funds, was parked across two handicapped spaces in the lot. It was found unlocked, with a warm, half-finished case of Natural Light beer in the rear.

This is not the first time a city-owned Yukon has been in the center of controversy. In September, Mayor Luke Ravenstahl used a city-owned Yukon to attend a Toby Keith concert. That impropriety and the fact that noted Kiss tribute band "Love Gun" was performing at a South Side bar has put the Mayor back under public scrutiny - and only days before the mayoral elections.

Does the mayor rock n roll all night and party every day?

"No... uh... I'm not sure how that got there... what?" a sluggish, bleary-eyed, unshowered Ravenstahl responded as he entered city offices at just after noon.

Investigators began linking the SUV's condition and the previous evening's concert when Police Chief Nate Harper was spotted this afternoon hurriedly scrubbing off what appeared to be "Yukon Rock City" written in lipstick on the rear window. Wiping silver glitter paint from around his eyes, he rushed past reporters into the station.

Later, when asked if he took the SUV to the concert, Ravenstahl scratched at a "Kiss Army" t-shirt visible through his blue oxford shirt, and responded cryptically, "I wanted the best. I got the best."


Anonymous said...

Yuck it up sophmoric bloggers, you and your kind have had quite a time on the mayor's watch. But have you seen the election results from yesterday - LUKE RULES, SOUF OAKLIN FO' LIFE!!! DROOLS.

Donny L, South Oakland said...

Toby Keith, now Kiss. Would it kill us to get a mayor who tailgates for a Joe Grushecky and the House Rockers concert?

Missy Peters said...

Natty Light? Why is this city stuck with old guard mayors tailgating with 20th century beverage choices. Doesn't Luke know the 21st Century offers us z'omething different?

Chaz Lubello said...

Is this guy mayorally challenged or somethin?

Stephen Leiter, Esq. said...

Luke is soooo gay.